Una vida Holandesa en Mallorca

Last thursday I reached the bottom. I have been feeling down before but this is the only time that ´seriously really depressed´ felt like the only way to describe it. Since Easter Lucas is crying when I leave him at childcare, making me feel an awful mother. I have had so many problems and stress at my work and negative feedback that I could not see one positive point of my work anymore. I have been really tense preparing for the big experiment in Svalbard and I really doubt if things will work out. Husband has taken advantage of me still being at home and been out for work a lot. Not to mention a bit distant. I cannot describe it by words, it was a truly awful feeling. It has gotten a bit better but I still can play the harp on my nerves so tense (if I had a feeling for music that is). Tonight I am leaving. For a month. To go to the eternal day and snow at -16C. Coming from +27C, short skirts sandals and beach. 43C difference and a month away. I feel so guilty I hardly notice how much I will miss my nice sunny home and the happy (and sometimes very demanding) voice of Lucas. And it is going to be so troublesome and so hard to get this experiment done.......... Wish me luck. And my family as well......

On a positive note: these kind of moments show you how good your life actually is. I will not forget. If I ever make it back to o.a. a decent climate again.....