Una vida Holandesa en Mallorca

This thursday there was an excursion to the hospital´s facilities for pregnant women, to take their anxiety away and showing them the procedures and rooms. Well. Even though I am not claustrofobic I came very close to running away screaming, have been upset ever since, sleeping even less hours (did not sleep much before), feeling very sick and anxious and really have been ill with apprehension. Got close to taking the 1st flight out to Holland but there is simply too much work to leave now (will be working up to giving birth) and I am afraid that without a Dutch insurance I will get nowhere. I cannot get the finger on precisely why I am so upset but let me tell you the facilities here resemble the ones my mother encountered giving birth to me while probably even worse. The room to give birth could be taken directly from  Amsterdam´s torture museum, 2x3m with a flat iron table with girdles (why would the mother want to be comfortable? as long as the doctor can grab the baby easily) very bright lights, no ventilation at all, walls closing in even on people with a calm frame of mind let alone a woman in pain. The room was situated in the entrails of the hospital. It makes me want to cry thinking this is the space where my baby will breath it first breath. Although on that terms, I will probably not make it to this room since baby is still head up. The alternative was never shown but I have seen enough operation rooms to know it is not going to be pretty. And the idea of having to spend 4 whole days in the hospital afterwards is not a comforting one. Even though I am getting fed up with the lack of sleep and the hopelessly big belly I am scared to death all of a sudden..........