Una vida Holandesa en Mallorca

This morning I finally was organised enough to go to the young mothers´ gathering in my medical centre. After weeks of talking to mums with children of all ages sharing breastfeeding failures with me I finally felt ´normal´ again so it was kind of a blow when all mothers present bared their breasts, hooked up their babies and starting taking photos for the yearly calender. Even more so since the breastfeeding association where I spent an afternoon trying to torture my baby into sucking from the nipple, not the pre-formed nipple-cover (let´s not go into these details shall we, ask me when interested) phoned me yesterday to ask if I wanted to come over for the yearly baby/mother photo-shoot for their calender on the beach. Of course I politely declined, I was horrified at the thought of having to search my bag in the middle of these convinced natural-only feeding mums and subject my baby to the root of all evil: The Bottle. 
So. Once again I face the question: am I a bad mum/person for not being able to feed my baby with only my own milk? Is what the midman (male midwife) said the truth and could I do it, if only if I spend all my time trying (not giving the bottle after feeds means a very hungry baby) while suffering both but only until I have my milk production up enough? Am I selfish and workaholic if I choose not to try for convenience purposes? With the current system I can go out to do groceries, and if assisted even a few hours on the beach or work. I thought I found the perfect excuse in the simple fact that feeds take 2 hours like this and I cannot do this any longer. I thought to ease my conscience with the idea that at least I breastfed 2 months, did all possible and from next week on my life would be so much better (no horrible noise from the milk sucking machine, no fights with baby who wants the bottle, not the breast etc, more time for me ánd the baby). But after this morning it dawned on me that it is all about priorities. And can I choose my own wellbeing over that of the baby? Will I be able to withstand the enormous pressure of society and not lower my self-esteem? Well. I can always stop going to this kind of reunions. But I do think it is wrong that non-breastfeeding mothers feel isolated and ´bad´. Even if mothermilk undisputedly is the best milk.  

We have a new cleaning lady helping us out. The old one was fast, but not so thorough (although she knew how to use a full hour of the cleaning time cleaning our cd´s). Thanks to her I discovered that I DO have some householding instincts: I happen to HATE it when the taps are still dirty (we have a hell of a calcium problem) after cleaning and the old one used the throw-away tissues to clean (which I can do as well, why pay a cleaning lady?) which does not help against calcium. This one is much more thorough, though very slow. But we were kind of happy until yesterday when, coming back from the ´aperitivo Italiano´ in a neighbourhood bar we saw her with another woman rummaging through the garbage container................. So now the question is: do we want a cleaning lady who spends her evenings sorting through trash? Update: actually the second time around she was very nice and still cleaning very well so never mind the garbage. As long as she washes her hands before touching the baby:-) (yes, getting real motherly instincts). Upperdate: but last tuesday she did not show up, phoned 1 hour after she would normally be finished and asked to come over thursday..... so........ one more try........